Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen: by Dr. Colossal

12 Sep

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Hello all and welcome back to another edition of Reviews of Movies I Haven’t Seen™.  As you know, I occasionally will take a movie that I haven’t seen and give you a review on it based on the popularity, trailers, stars, reception, my own crazy thoughts, etc.  On today’s journey, I will be giving you a take on a movie that many of you have indeed seen, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.  Before I get started with this review, I am inclined to give you full disclosure.  I have never seen a single minute of a Harry Potter film nor have I read a single book.  I can name maybe two characters by name and I’m not sure about one of them.  Needless to say J.K. Rowling has none of my money.  That being said, I am confident that my review will be a completely unbiased view and will not be colored by anything distracting such as accuracy or facts.  
(And to all the Harry Potter nerds out there, I’m sorry…so very, very sorry.)

Alright let’s get on with it.
The movie starts out with a replay with what happened in the previous movie.  It goes over how Harry Potter was mad at the stretchy face guy for stealing his favourite wand (and yes I will be using the British spelling of stuff as best I can because the dude is British I guess.)  Harry and his friends are looking all over the castle for the wand but they can’t find it.  Unfortunately, Harry needs the wand to change the telly in his room.  After searching for hours, the first movie ends with the stretchy face guy sending Harry a note that he has his wand locked away in his own castle on the other side of town and that Harry would have to fight him to go get it.  Harry and his friends are now determined to go get the wand back from the stretchy face guy as Part 1 ends.

‘Ha Ha, I got your wand!!! ‘

Part 2 begins with Harry and his friends looking for a subway map to get to the Stretchy face guy’s castle but see that there isn’t a subway stop close enough to it so they will have to take the bus.  The problem for Harry is that he has no bus money because his mum doesn’t visit him until the end of the month.  Discouraged but not defeated, he decides to ask the headmaster, Alan Rickman, for some money.  Alan Rickman informs Harry that the stretchy face man borrowed 20 dollars from him last week and he didn’t give it back yet so he would drive him over to stretchy face man’s castle himself.  Harry is happy again so they all get into their wizard car and drive over to the stretchy face man’s castle.  Along the way, Alan Rickman and Harry Potter talk about the previous movies and discuss what all they learned.  Harry admitted that he really wished he just stayed at home at the beginning of the first movie.

‘Alan Rickman, why am I really here?’

After driving through rush hour traffic for about an hour, the duo finally arrive stretchy face man’s castle.  They knock on the door and ask for Harry’s wand and Alan Rickman’s 20 dollars back.  The stretch face man leans out the window and says that he doesn’t have the wand or the money.  Unfortunately for the stretchy face man, he left the front door to his castle unlocked so Harry and Alan Rickman just walk in and confront the stretchy face man.  After a few minutes of witty and clever British banter, stretchy face man reluctantly admits to taking the wand and gives it back and also pays back the 20 dollars he owed to Alan Rickman.  Harry is still upset with the stretchy faced man because he had to miss last night’s episode of Britian’s Got Talent so he takes his wand and stabs him through the heart.


Harry and Alan Rickman return to their castle with the wand and money victorious and happy with their hard-fought victory over the stretchy face man.  Alan Rickman is proud of Harry for standing up to a bully and ending the confrontation decisively.  Alan Rickman tells Harry that this will be their last adventure together because his contract has run out and he doesn’t want to be typecast in future movies.  Sadly, Harry Potter calls his mum and they make plans for them to move back to their native Hoboken, New Jersey.

‘Now I remember why we left New Jersey’

Now I remember why we left New Jersey This was a very enjoyable film.  Because of all the British accents, it seemed very well acted indeed.  The scene that really stood out to me was when Alan Rickman and Harry Potter are in the car talking about life and getting the wand and 20 dollars back.  Harry Potter seemed to grow up right in front of our eyes during that dialogue.

‘Alan Rickman, are you my daddy?’

‘Check out my sweeet Members Only jacket!!’
All in all, I give this film a rating of 3 duhs out of 4.  If you are into magic and wizardry and stuff like that, you should really like this movie.  There is plenty of magic and spells and CGI and crap like that to make even the most diehard Harry Potter hater enjoy.  And if you already like Harry Potter, well you aren’t wasting your time reading this; you are back in the theater seeing this movie for the 45th time.  Anyway, go see this movie or don’t see this movie, I still get paid the same for this article so there.
As always thank you for reading and I’ll see you next time for another Review of Movies I Haven’t Seen™

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