The First Douchebag: Kraven

13 Oct

Fist Pump activated

No by douchebag I don’t mean vachina cleaner. By douchebag I don’t mean moron or jerk. Like douchebag doesn’t seem to be as universsal as i’d like. Neither is Pedobear for that matter. Anyway Douchebag to me is more like all the goons on Jersey Shore. Like all the guys on that site ‘Hot chicks with douchebags’ THAT’S A DOUCHEBAG (to me).

Kraven….my main man from back in the day in the Marvel universe. (The Safari Joe of Marvel…you don’t know Safari Joe? Thundercats dude)

Kraven – Sergei Kravinoff is a maniacal big game hunter known as Kraven the Hunter who seeks to defeat Spider-Man to prove that he is the greatest hunter in the world. Unlike other hunters, he typically disdains the use of guns or bow and arrows, preferring to take down large dangerous animals with his bare hands. He also lives by a code of honor of sorts, choosing to hunt his game fairly, though he does use a mystical serum to give him similar strength to Spider-Man. Spider-Man proves a frustrating quarry because Kraven continually underestimates the superhero’s resourcefulness. He was contacted by his half-brother the Chameleon (comics) to defeat Spider-Man. Kraven was a founding member of the Sinister Six, and was the second foe to battle Spider-Man, fighting him at a zoo using wildcats. (I’m not gonna tell you how he committed suicide after capturing Spiderman ONCE and letting him go).

Kraven has all the making of a Douchebag / Jersey Shore/ modern day ORIGINAL, Pre-Madona even. Gelled stiff hair, open chest, crazy colors adn wacky cloths that fit tight around the groin. Attitude, bravado, killer abs. He’s just a cartoon but he seems like the DB prototype. Having seemingly never been duplicated or imitated per sa,  Kraven, is still a hit amongst the classic-est of comic book readers. Today I can see him fist pumping, on a boat, with chicks in bikinis, drinking Belvadere  voldka high as hell, wearing the same cloths he just got back hunting in.

No disrespect to Kraven at all, pure respect. Originality, consistency and timelessness kinda mean the same thing. If you can find a douche that predates August 1964 then let me know. 


-John Henry

-Umpa Lumpa

-Smurfs (oh yes, the Smurfs all the way)

-Gaston (Beauty and the Beast)

-Help me out here if you know any (especially if it’s pre 1964 and Tarzan does not count)


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